Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s second term: ‘Has onybody ever done a waur job?’

Late-nicht hosts delved deep intil Donald Trump’s efforts tae sway the comin midterms and the Roushian oligarch wha bankrolled the weddin o his son, Donald Trump Jr.

On Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host stairtit wi the news that Republicans flitted early this week in order tae dodge a vote on whether tae impeach the secretary o war, Pete Hegseth. They are gey guid at dodgin votes. They did this a couple o weeks back tae dodge a vote on releasin the Epstein files, Kimmel remarkit.

We are nou 48 days frae the president declarin a stolen election, he continued. He is tryin ilka trick tae try an steal it himsel. The supreme court foiled his plan tae stop mail-in votin, an sae nou he is offerin $5,000 tae ilka adult gin the Republicans win. Only gin they win. Which is daft – it is also daft that he wad gie us our ain siller as some kin o gift.

Also, mind me, are Republicans no the folk that are aye screamin aboot handoots? he added, afore playin clips o Trump and various conservative commentators castin doot on Democrats wha, tae quote Hannity, tak your hard-earned siller and uise it tae buy pouer and votes for themsels.

Thae o us that didna vote for Donald Trump ettled that he wad be even waur the second time aboot, but even I hid nae inklin he wad be this bad, Kimmel added. Has onybody ever done a waur job wi onything?

Kitty and Jose Menendez did a better job o rearin their laddies than Donald Trump has rinnin this kintra.

In ither news is the president’s war – no the ane in Iran, the ane on the Kennedy Center. On Tysday, Trump’s chuisen board at the airts and culture institution votit tae close for renovatins, moments efter a judge ruled that they cudna add Trump’s name tae the biggin withoot congressional approval. Sae nou the big bairn says that gin the supreme court disna overturn that rulin and pit his name on the waw next tae the Kennedy name, there will be nae renovatins at aw, Kimmel explained.

He is haudin the biggin hostage, he added. They really shud caw it the Melania Trump Kennedy Center.

And on The Daily Show, Josh Johnson reactit tae reports that Hegseth’s Pentagon is seekin troops tae attend his next speech wha embody his specific vision o masculinity – men wi a Hegseth-delineatit waist-tae-hicht ratio and impeccable groomin standards.

I am sorry, is this chiel still in chairge o the militar, or is he in chairge o castin Love Island? Johnson speired.

I hae never heard onybody say the phrase waist-tae-hicht ratio afore, he continued. This man canna coont the nummer o missiles ye need tae fecht a war wi Iran, but whan it comes tae male physique, he is A Beautiful Mind?

And askin for impeccable groomin is a wee bit queer. But it is braw tae ken that this administration is finally takin groomin seriously, he quippit next tae a photo o Jeffrey Epstein.

In ither perfect specimens o masculinity – Donald Trump Jr, wha this spring got mairrit again tae Palm Beach socialite Bettina Anderson on a private island in the Bahamas … that was bankrolled by a Roushian oligarch.

Umar Kremlev, a former criminal turned boxin promoter turned associate o the Roushian president, reportedly peyit hunners o thoosands o dollars tae rent the island and stage several pairties wi professional dancers and performances. I dinna want tae be culturally insensitive, but that name soonds like a knockoff James Bond villain, said Johnson. He is a spy frae the Kremlin – let us caw him Krem-lev.

But I am gettin distractit: a Roushian oligarch wi ties tae Putin peyit for the president’s son’s weddin weekend, he added. And this is a presidential faimily o billionaires, which means ye juist did corruption for the luve o the game.

This hale faimily has been makin billions aff Trump’s presidency and they still canna resist a freebie, whether it is a Qatari jet or a post-weddin chocolate foontain.